An Old Friend

I breathe in.
I breath out.

Moisture sticks to my esophagus as air slithers down into my lungs. I can see the air but cannot see more than a few feet ahead of me. The hair on my arms gathers water as I pump them faster and faster. I run with smoke in my eyes and death at my back, but death is always at my back. Most of the time I am so far ahead. He feels so far away. Over time though, my legs have grown heavy and my muscles scream in protest. I cannot run for much longer.

I turn sharply and hide behind a moss covered tree. My heart pounds so hard it hurts. Something wet rolls down my face and I can't decide if it is sweat or a tear.

Leaves crunch and twigs snap.

I have never seen Death's face before. The shadow searching for me is nothing like I imagined him to be. He so beautiful it makes me sick, sick to think that the thing taking my soul from me has the face of a guardian angel.

Through the branches black eyes meet my gaze.

Death marches towards me.

"Why are you chasing me?" I shout. I want to move but a warm pulse moves through my veins, relaxing my tired legs.

He does not answer me, he just continues to walk in my direction. The closer he get's I find an odd sense of peace in his presence. I try to fight it, but I cannot help but embrace this sensation that I have never felt before.

"I am not chasing you, I have been following you. Just like I do to everyone till one day, like today we can finally meet. Hello old friend." He says with a smile.

I cannot say anything, I keep telling my brain to tell my mouth to speak but nothing will come out.

"You humans truly amaze me." He says, taking a seat on a rock. My legs finally collapse and I plop on the ground beside him, trying hard not to welcome too much of the warmth.

"Everyday I draw closer and closer to you humans, but you don't notice or seem to care until I am nearly breathing down your necks." He whispers in my ear. "You lived a great life, more fuller than most. I find it an honor to take a soul such as yours. One so vibrant and colorful, full of so many experiences. I am happy you are not a life that was not lived, but that you lived like you knew I was always there."

I nod my head in understanding. I have to admit I never lived my life thinking that death was just inching closer with every passing moment. But I did live knowing that once it was over it was over. I wanted to do and see everything. Which regrettably I don't think I did.

"I promise this won't hurt a bit, I will make it easy."

My mind is foggy, I stare deep into death's eyes trying to find the warmth he emanated, but instead I found coldness that you could only find if you search long enough.

"Just take a deep breathe." He says and my eyes close. A weight is lifted from me and I feel like I am floating. He places his hand on my head.

I breathe in.
I breath out.

Turtles and Driving Stick

I am a turtle saver. I am the savior to turtle kind. Turtles in the Fingerlakes area love me. When they see my car pass them they do not fear. For I Alice Shaw will pull over and save them.

Today, two very awesome this happened.

1: I got Shelby out of the Garage, she got brand new struts and tires. Got her alignment straightened. Baby drives like new! So I have been driving her around town relishing in the awesomeness of smooth driving. No longer do I have to fight her to keep her from pulling to the right. She is as straight as an arrow.

Anyway I made a discovery, I can drive like a racecar driver because Shelby has 3 gears and my 15 year old brother G taught me how to somewhat drive stick. Well as much stick as you can get in an automatic car. (Yeah he's 15 and knows how to drive stick. We have dump trucks and its in our blood. My brothers and I are the third generation to be involved in the asphalt paving business. Tar runs through our veins. But that is a story for another time.)

So I was driving stick on my way home, my heart beating in unison with the roar of my engine as I shifted up gears and down them. I couldn't help but yell "I am SpeedRacer" every time I took off from a stop sign. But something in the middle of the road made me swerve into the parking lot of the Sportsman's club around the corner from my house.

This is Lenard

 

2: Lenard is the giant snapping turtle that I saved! Immediately I jumped out of the car to save it but the closer I got to it the more I remembered how afraid of stuff I am. This turtle looked like a dinosaur. It was scaley with a rough shell. Spikes growing out of it's tale and extending out of its head you know just some horns...... HORNS! I DIDN'T KNOW TURTLES HAD HORNS. This is not Franklin were talking about.

 

(For not 90's children here is Franklin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i9lmz8-oT4 Seriously watch it you missed out in your childhood)

 

But back to Lenard. HORNS!! Freaking horns. Plus the claws? Like if its powerful snapping jaws didn't take my precious fingers from me I'm pretty sure it's claws would just as equally rip through my flesh and claim my appendages.

 

It was too late to turn back. I was already in the middle of the road and cars had stopped to let me save Lenard's life. I know just a little bit about snapping turtles from growing up around where I live and number one rule. STAY AWAY FROM THE HEAD.

 

Also I knew that even though only a wee nub sticks out, they have really long necks.

 

And most importantly I wanted to keep all ten of my fingers and to have all my hand meat still attached to my hands.

 

So I took a few deep breaths, it was life or death for Lenard and I could not live with blood on my hands. I grabbed him from the tail, like the tippiest tip of the tail and pulled him across the way he was going on the road. Which only provoked Lenard causing him to claw at the ground and hiss at me. Did you know turtles can hiss? IT IS THE SCARIEST NOISE EVER!

 

After dragging an angry Lenard across the road I whipped him around and I was immediately overjoyed that I was smart and pulled him by the tail because he whipped his head out and started snapping away. With his neck out it covered a little over 3/4 of his body, right where I thought I could've picked him up by his shell, but thank God for giving me the smarts not to.  

 

After that I did a happy dance because I saved a life, then got back in my car and drove stick home because I know how to do that now.

 

All in all a pretty good day.

 

He is a plethora of snapping turtle pictures just to give you an idea of well IT WAS A FREAKING GIANT SNAPPING TURLE OK AND I AM A WIMP SO I WAS SCARED THIS IS A BIG THING FOR ME.

 

But please join me in saving turtle kind everywhere, if you see one crossing the road stop and let it pass or help it out BUT DO SO CAREFULLY THEY ARE DANGEROUS. Don't be like "Oh Alice is an idiot its just a freaking turtle. I can just pick it up"

YEAH A FREAKING TURTLE THAT CAN BITE YOUR FINGERS OFF AND EAT THEM LIKE FRENCH FRIES.

 

But seriously there are jerks out there that will hit them on purpose for a laugh and that is evil and we need to help decrease world evil one turtle at a time. BUT DO SO CAREFULLY AND UNDER ADULT SUPERVISOIN IF YOU ARE UNDER 18.

 

Here is the plethora of non- Lenard snapping turtles.

 

 



That Is The Question?

 

To sleep, or not to sleep? That is the question.

If I sleep I cannot write, then I won't get anything done, then I won't finish my book and also I won't be able to practice my writing muscles.

But if I stay up and write then I won't be able to wake up in a timely manner. Which means I will not finish my chores early then by the time I can sort of write I have to cook supper. This might also make me too sleepy to write the next day.

But what if I don't write tonight and I go to bed now and wake up in timely matter, get all my stuff done and still don't get time to write.

This makes me very angry. Because when I do find time to write I have to do life stuff. And life stuff sometimes sucks. Like I don't want to be messed with when I am trying to write. I need a do not disturb sign.

The most annoying thing about all the life stuff that gets in the way of writing is when you are finally in the flow and got a rhythm going and people want you to stop right where you are so you can do something.

 

YOU CAN'T JUST CLICK IT ON AND OFF!!! ONCE THE SWITCH IS FLIPPED IT DOES NOT UNCLICK UNTIL YOU ARE DONE!!!

Oh my gosh I'm getting aggravated just writing about it. I hate it so much. Like non-writers do not understand this and its so hard to explain because its a feeling that is so unique I don't know the word for it. It's just something that happens in an artist mind and once it starts it should not be stopped. I feel like it is a crime against nature.

This is why I am getting a writer's shed. Yep you heard it correct. I am going to Thoreau my life away and leave my family, escape into the woods to write and read books alone.

Ok maybe not that drastic but I am getting one. Thank goodness because I am running out of room in bedroom for all my books and writing stuff. I have more papers, books, sticky notes, folders, binders, pens, chewed pen caps, and journals than I do actual bedroom stuff, like floor space.

But I don't know, I'm going to set myself a word count then go to bed. Night all.

Light vs. Dark

Watch as the light cascades through the stain glassed window, as little rainbows are born on your skin. You twirl your fingers in the light and wonder, "Is darkness really the absence of light?"

How could something this beautiful or powerful be overcome by darkness. Why isn't light the absence darkness?

Why is it that we are so afraid of the dark? Why not the light? Darkness may tuck monsters away in shadows but light forces us to stare our terrors in the face. Ignorance is truly bliss.

It is not darkness that you should be afraid of. Because it is in the darkness that caterpillars sprout their beautiful wings and they are never truly the same.

Darkness may be the absence of light, but we can never appreciate the light until we let our eyes adjust to the darkness.

Peace. After my heart rate slows and my breathing is steady.  It is a special kind of peace I find in the absence of light.

Darlings do not run from the darkness or hide from the light, both are essential if we want to live full and happy lives.

Why Don't I Ever Talk About This?

So I had this thought while scrolling through my post.... I talk a lot, a lot, a lot, about writers block. How do you guys even put up with it? I don't know.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about writing. Just writing. The love of writing. Not the hardships or complications that come with it.

I wish I could tell you all I have always wrote, but I haven't. When I was little I would write picture books one was about a horse who lost there mom and went for adventure in a cave.(I don't know where that is but its my earliest writing memory.

When I was in third grade I wrote a Harry Potter fanfic about my own adventures at Hogwarts. (I don't think I would ever share that, it's really quite embarrassing.)

Middle school I wrote about a girl who had a dream about some magic stone.

And out of all the stories that I did write I never finished them.

And as I got older I stopped. I remember staring at blank pieces of paper feeling the pull of something, I don't know how to describe it, it was just a pull to fill the page with words. But I could not find any words.

It wasn't until my senior year in High School that I found out that I was kinda good at this whole writing thing.

Ok, so in my contemporary lit class, my English teacher would give us quarterly projects. One was collage prep stuff, another was a term paper, (which also helped me think I was kinda good at writing) I can't remember the third one, but one of the last ones was doing little writing entries to go into a Senior Scrapbook. Each of the entries had to be about different subjects and then we had like five we could do of our choice.

One of the entries was a creative writing thingy and we had to think of a creative excuse of why we didn't do our homework.

What makes this title ironic is that I almost forgot to do this little assignment. High school me was not very responsible and she was extremely forgetful.

So I woke up the morning the assignment was due and started freaking out. I ended up writing it in 15 minutes before school started and I thought for sure that I was doomed. I thought it was the most boring stupidest story ever. I didn't think it was creative. I thought for sure that my teacher would know that I didn't take the time I was allowed (10 weeks) on it and that it looks like I only spent 15 minutes on it.

But I was wrong.

With that assignment she decided to do a contest in our class. She hand picked her favorites then read them in front of the clad. Mine being one of them.

She told the class to vote on them, and mine won. Mine was the best in the class. I of course was stunned, I thought it was a load of crap!!

Obviously it wasn't.

This changed my whole outlook on writing and I instantly fell in love with it. The only thing I ever thought I was good at was sports. But writing was something completely different. I could create something from nothing. It is the closest thing to magic I will ever get.

But a lot of credit does go to my English teacher, Mrs. M, because not only did she do those entries for the scrapbook but we also kept journals. She would play a song and while the song was playing she was give subjects to write about.

Describe your best day ever, who's your best friend, what about music do you like, stuff like that.

After high school I just started writing about everything and anything that came into my head. Then an idea popped into my head, why not write a book.

My first book idea was a dystopian, it was ok but I got like 65 pages into it and stopped because of my poor planning skills. It never got finished but I still have it filed. Maybe I'll go back to it someday.

Then it was the middle of the night and two words popped into my head. (Keeping them a secret until I am published) I got up and outlined and wrote the ideas for my current book.

I am currently working on what, my 3rd draft? But the others I hadn't finished all the way through because the story just didn't work. I have had to change a few things..... ok maybe a lot of things but I have hit the halfway point in my manuscript and I'm very excited. Things are flowing and the plot is coming along beautifully. I have fully bonded with my characters and my world is somewhat fully constructed, well as constructed as I need it for the first book.

I'm determined to finish a full draft by the end of the year!

But I wouldn't be as far as I am now if it wasn't for M.B. He was truly a God sent. M.B came into my life when I was just about to give up writing my book. I had no motivation, I had no fresh ideas, the plot was falling apart, it was a disaster. But then M.B came along.

M.B owns a physical therapy place in town and my ma and my brother G just started going there, (G had surgurey on his shoulder an ma has a bad back). Well one morning when ma went to her appointment, M.B was in the garage signing his books. Him and ma got talking so she raced home, ripped me out of bed, and drove me to M.B.

We talked for awhile and he agreed to do the editing for my book and give me one of his ISBN number...... for free!!! Also he has a friend who is going to do my cover! He taught me how to get organized because when you are writing a book it is the most important thing. And it really is.

I thank God everyday for sending M.B into my life, if our paths would not have crossed then I know for sure I would have given up writing. Which only makes me want to write more, because God placed this story in my heart and meeting that man only confirmed in me that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

So, how are your writings coming along? What is your writing story? Have you always wrote? Or are you a late bloomer like me.

P.S when I find that homework excuse writing I will post it for you all!

My Mother Eats Chewbacca

Well, if you have clicked on this, you have fallen into my trap. I came up with this ridiculous name because some website said one way to gain views is to give your post interesting names and what's more interesting than the thought of an ordinary house wife chomping down on a Wookie?
 
In fact my mother does not eat Wookies, or Ewoks, or Taun Tauns.
Speaking of Taun Tauns, what is the temperature of the inside of a Taun Taun............ LUKEWARM!!!

Also I don't usually call my mother, mother. I usually refer to my maternal figure as ma, but ever since I started watching Bates Motel that's what I call her when I am frustrated with her. Also for the rest of this post whenever the word mother appears please read it the way Norman Bates says it.
Thank you.

Ok, back to business. Anyway no Star Wars creatures were harmed in the making of this post. Especially Wookies.

So originally I was going to write about how my mother is a total undercover super hero, but then I went to take a shower this morning and my razor was missing.
You see, my cousin MK got into a bad accident and she had to have surgery, (She lives in Indiana) and my parents drove out to be there for her. Leaving me in charge of my two younger brothers (14, 15). In the process of packing my mother took numerous objects belonging to moi. Actually only two.

1: My razor
2: My face powder

Usually I wouldn't care but today when I got in the shower to shave my legs there was no razor. Which means I had two choices:

1: Wear pants
2: Wear a dress but walk around with Chewbacca legs

I chose option one.

And do you know how sucky is to be a librarian in a library that is 143 years old with an iffy A.C system while wearing pants in the spring? (which has been unusually hot.)  Really sucky, the most sucktastic suck to ever suck at sucking in the history of suckology.

It gets better.

I go to do my make-up and I have to use some old powder I bought when I was 14 when being a cheeto was is in style. (Just kidding it was never in style, I just didn't know how to do make-up back then)

So I go to work with cheeto puff face and hidden Chewbacca legs.

But on the more serious note, my mother is a super hero, even though she hijacked my stuff.

Like I said I was put in charge of my little brothers.

I never really thought that much of it until I had to wake up at 6:30 to take them to school, then go grocery shopping, and you have to do that, that early because then you have to go to work. Then after work you have to cook supper. After supper you have to clean up the mess otherwise you won't have dishes to eat off of. Plus dirty dishes are gross.

And when all that is done you finally start to relax after a long, long day then....... your brothers tell you they don't have any clean clothes so you to do loads upon loads of laundry, starting at 10:30 pm.

So I figure that while waiting for loads to get done I can do some writing. But guess what brain decided to not want to do that because it was too tired.

I give my ma so much credit. Its really hard.

Also props to all the single moms out there that do it all plus MORE on their own, while giving the best to their kids, and raising them to be awesome. You gals are the true super heroes.
Keep fighting the good fight ladies.

Also please refrain from eating all creatures from the Star Wars Universe.

I'm Going To Murder Mother Nature

Oh my goodness I haaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeee springtime!!

Everything that was dead in the winter time resurrects and comes back with vengeance. I am allergic to the air. I wish I could pop my eye balls out and scratch them with some steel wool. Oh my gosh they're so itchy and burny and ugggghhhh!!

You know and I really love flowers and the smell of fresh cut grass. It's not fair that I have to suffer like this. Like what the freak mother nature why to you have to be such a beach you ruin spring time for people are basically allergic to life. And I love life so much and its not fair that every time I walk outside or have a window open in my house that I must suffer at your hands! This is what I go through.

Everyday of my life since the snow melted and stuff grew back.

Wake up.

Blows nose.

Blows nose again.

Continues to blows nose till becomes light headed.

Eat.

Blows nose.

Gets dressed.

Runs out of tissues.

USES FREAKING SAND PAPER ON NOSE BECAUSE PAPER TOWLS SUCK (Insert most horrible thing you can think of here.)

Cry.

Walk around like Rudolph.

Be rejected from reindeer games.

Sit in one spot for 30 min and rub eyeballs.

Cry again.

People ask if you have been crying and you will tell them no, that its just allergies. Which only makes you a half liar.

INSIDE OF EAR ITCHIES.

UPPER MOUTH ITCHIES.

TOUNGE ITCHIES.

Try to figure out ways to assassinate Mother Nature.

Ask your mother for allergy medicine.

THERE IS NO MORE.

Cry.

Sneeze.

Accidently punch self in nose because its a Hulk sneeze.

Which causes a sneezing fit lasting for 2 min. FYI doesn't seem long but its like death.

Repeat for the remainder of the day.

I can't wait till spring is done and things stop pollinating. I don't want to rub my eyes it's so bad for your cornea.

Please tell me I'm not the only sufferer of Mother Natures evilness.

NERDFIGHTERS ASSEMBLE!!

I AM  WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I AM SO EXCITED!!

I AM CURRENTLY BEING A LIBRARIAN BUT I FINISHED ALL OF MY WORK AND THERE ARE NO AWESOME PEOPLE WHO WANT BOOKS IN THE LIBRARY AT THIS TIME SO I'M USING THIS TIME TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I'M TOO EXCITED TO WAIT TILL I GET HOME TO DO!

LAST NIGHT WHILE WATCHING VLOGBROTHERS VIDEOS I CAME ACROSS ONE WHERE FABULOUS JOHN GREEN WAS TALKING ABOUT CREATING A FAULT IN OUR STARS AUDIO BOOK. SO JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY I WENT ON DFTBA.COM AND LOOKED AND THEY HAVE THIRD EDITIONS THAT ARE LIMITED! THERE IS ONLY 3,000 OF THEM!!! DID I MENTION HE IS THE ONE READING IT!!!




Ok I'm done writing in all caps because my excitement is giving me a headache but anyway I wasn't originally going to purchase said audiobook because I was being a cheep pants but then I started thinking........ I WOULD GET SO MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM LISTENING TO FABULOUS 35 YEAR OLD JOHN GREEN READ THE MOST AMAZING BOOK WROTE FROM A TEENAGE GIRLS POINT OF VIEW. I WOULD LISTEN THE CRAP OUT OF THAT THING!



So I bought said audiobook at 2:30am because that's when I finally decided how much I needed this precious jewel in my life. After I bought it I didn't fall asleep until like, oh, I don't know like 5:30AM because I was so excited about my purchase. I am running on 4 hours of sleep but surviving off of pure excitement and anticipation for my precious audiobook.

When I woke up this morning I started jumping up and down because I'm a nerd and I love stuff. 

…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”

-John Green

I also purchased the extremely limited edition extremely rare that's only available this week only, 2015 QUADRAGOCON SHIRT!!! ! I jumped up and down, screamed, almost hyperventilated, and did my own happy dance for it.

 

I will keep you all posted on the arrival of the fabulous gems.

Oh and also what is your favorite thing about John Green? Also who the eff is Hank?