May 30, 2015

Turtles and Driving Stick

I am a turtle saver. I am the savior to turtle kind. Turtles in the Fingerlakes area love me. When they see my car pass them they do not fear. For I Alice Shaw will pull over and save them.

Today, two very awesome this happened.

1: I got Shelby out of the Garage, she got brand new struts and tires. Got her alignment straightened. Baby drives like new! So I have been driving her around town relishing in the awesomeness of smooth driving. No longer do I have to fight her to keep her from pulling to the right. She is as straight as an arrow.

Anyway I made a discovery, I can drive like a racecar driver because Shelby has 3 gears and my 15 year old brother G taught me how to somewhat drive stick. Well as much stick as you can get in an automatic car. (Yeah he's 15 and knows how to drive stick. We have dump trucks and its in our blood. My brothers and I are the third generation to be involved in the asphalt paving business. Tar runs through our veins. But that is a story for another time.)

So I was driving stick on my way home, my heart beating in unison with the roar of my engine as I shifted up gears and down them. I couldn't help but yell "I am SpeedRacer" every time I took off from a stop sign. But something in the middle of the road made me swerve into the parking lot of the Sportsman's club around the corner from my house.


This is Lenard
 
2: Lenard is the giant snapping turtle that I saved! Immediately I jumped out of the car to save it but the closer I got to it the more I remembered how afraid of stuff I am. This turtle looked like a dinosaur. It was scaley with a rough shell. Spikes growing out of it's tale and extending out of its head you know just some horns...... HORNS! I DIDN'T KNOW TURTLES HAD HORNS. This is not Franklin were talking about.
 
(For not 90's children here is Franklin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i9lmz8-oT4 Seriously watch it you missed out in your childhood)
 
But back to Lenard. HORNS!! Freaking horns. Plus the claws? Like if its powerful snapping jaws didn't take my precious fingers from me I'm pretty sure it's claws would just as equally rip through my flesh and claim my appendages.
 
It was too late to turn back. I was already in the middle of the road and cars had stopped to let me save Lenard's life. I know just a little bit about snapping turtles from growing up around where I live and number one rule. STAY AWAY FROM THE HEAD.
 
Also I knew that even though only a wee nub sticks out, they have really long necks.
 
And most importantly I wanted to keep all ten of my fingers and to have all my hand meat still attached to my hands.
 
So I took a few deep breaths, it was life or death for Lenard and I could not live with blood on my hands. I grabbed him from the tail, like the tippiest tip of the tail and pulled him across the way he was going on the road. Which only provoked Lenard causing him to claw at the ground and hiss at me. Did you know turtles can hiss? IT IS THE SCARIEST NOISE EVER!
 
After dragging an angry Lenard across the road I whipped him around and I was immediately overjoyed that I was smart and pulled him by the tail because he whipped his head out and started snapping away. With his neck out it covered a little over 3/4 of his body, right where I thought I could've picked him up by his shell, but thank God for giving me the smarts not to.  
 
After that I did a happy dance because I saved a life, then got back in my car and drove stick home because I know how to do that now.
 
All in all a pretty good day.
 
He is a plethora of snapping turtle pictures just to give you an idea of well IT WAS A FREAKING GIANT SNAPPING TURLE OK AND I AM A WIMP SO I WAS SCARED THIS IS A BIG THING FOR ME.
 
But please join me in saving turtle kind everywhere, if you see one crossing the road stop and let it pass or help it out BUT DO SO CAREFULLY THEY ARE DANGEROUS. Don't be like "Oh Alice is an idiot its just a freaking turtle. I can just pick it up"
YEAH A FREAKING TURTLE THAT CAN BITE YOUR FINGERS OFF AND EAT THEM LIKE FRENCH FRIES.
 
But seriously there are jerks out there that will hit them on purpose for a laugh and that is evil and we need to help decrease world evil one turtle at a time. BUT DO SO CAREFULLY AND UNDER ADULT SUPERVISOIN IF YOU ARE UNDER 18.
 
Here is the plethora of non- Lenard snapping turtles.