July 25, 2015

Scavenger Hunt For Souls

So you found this. Maybe you just randomly found me on google plus, or maybe even my blog was the next one after the "next blog" button on blogger. Maybe you were even lucky enough to get one of my little cards off my mom, despite my quiet protest because as much as I love her support, at times I get a wee bit embarrassed, you know being a daughter and all. But it is appreciated nonetheless.

Whatever ever road you travelled to find me it doesn't matter because you're here now. Prior to this you probably weren't too sure on what you'd find on a future author's blog. Would she have short stories? Annoying little blurbs about her insignificant life, well rest assured there is both. But you did find this post, and I believe it was not by accident.

I don't know what any of you are going through. I don't know what trials God is guiding you through, or if you even believe in God. Maybe you hate His guts and you still don't know why you are even still reading this blasted post. But I promise, whoever you are, this post is for you.

I was listening to Rend Collective and the song Alabaster came on and it brought me to my knees. I was dealing with some hard stuff in my life. And life being life it wasn't something tangible, I couldn't touch the chaos with my hands. My outside life was fine, happy family, best job in the world But on the inside I felt broken. Life can throw us some curve balls, horrible circumstances, shocking tradedy As horrible as those things are, I believe some of the hardest battles we have to face is the ones being waged between our own two ears. They are the ones we throw on a happy mask for because we are too afraid to admit something is wrong and we would rather act like everything is fine. Come up with excuses not to talk to our friends or family about it, which alienates us and  ultimately makes it worse for ourselves.

So anyway back to the song, Alabaster. There is a line that goes:
 
I am broken at Your feet
like an alabaster jar
every piece of who I am
laid before Your majesty.
 
This really struck a cord with me because I have this think about brokenness. Like I used to think that I was the only one in the whole world who was broken. ( I was only 17 don't hold I against me.) Obviously I was wrong. Everyone is broken in someway, some more than others.
 
 
In my church, we have these gorgeous Tiffany stained glass windows that are 200 years old, well they will be in 2017. I've looked at them almost every Sunday since I was 5 and they started just to blend in and I stopped noticing them. Well I had a thought one day that brought my attention back to them, when you look at stained glass all it is, is a bunch of broken glass dyed then placed together to create something absolutely breath taking. If an earthly man can do that to mere glass, imagine what your Father in Heaven could do with your broken pieces. He has a rather marvelous gift of turning broken into beautiful.
 
Up close, stained glass doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But as you back up you see the bigger picture.
 
 

 
 
It might not make sense now, but place your broken pieces at His feet, surrender to Him and watch as He takes your pieces and make them beautiful.
 
This post went really off what I was originally going to talk about but I know somewhere out there someone will get something out of this. Whether tonight, tomorrow or ten years from now.
 
When I wake up tomorrow I know I'm going to instantly regret posting this and will want to take it down, but I promise I won't. I'm not really on for speaking my deep thoughts, it makes me feel vulnerable and I hate that.
 
But I am a stained glass window, and I have to let my Creator shine through me
 

July 22, 2015

The Otherworld

Dreams.

Why is it that we remember some dreams but others are like a black cloud of nothingness. In the mornings light we search our consciousness for a mere ghost of an alternate reality. But what we find is more nothingness.

Nothingness shrouded with mystery. When those sleepless nights place a black veil over my dreams I can't help but wonder if it is my own mind protecting me.

Our minds can be our own worst enemy, but could it be a double agent?

Feeding us our most terrifying nightmares only to blot them out with inky darkness. Succumbing to regret and shame, wanting so desperately to fix the mess that it created.

Or maybe our mind is truly our enemy and it steals away the only paradise we have on this Earth. Our 8 hour ticket to the Otherworld.

A place where thoughts bounce amongst the stars and our bodies slide in and out of  Saturn's rings. Where we can fly and be with loved ones that are no longer here.

The Otherworld is vast space, as wonderful as it is horrifying. But what scares me the most is not the experiences we have during our visit but how powerful our minds are to erase such a visit.